I'm Here Now
by Targaryen Princess
Summary: A sad short story of Thorin, Fili and Kili after BOTFA.
1. I'm Here Now

**I'm Here Now**

Everything around him was chaos.

Dwarves, elves, men and orcs were dropping like flies. He blocked some metal with his own just as he had slightly turned his head to see an orc blade inches from his face. Sweat and blood dripped from his brow. His teeth gritted fiercely to muster all the strength he had left to fight off the creature. Forcing the orc blade downward, his own dwarvish iron swiftly pierced the beast through the gut and down the filth went.

Out of breath and beginning to panic, Fili's piercing blue eyes scanned the carnage.

He had lost Kili.

They had been separated for hours. Trampling over bodies and weapons Fili lifted the fallen, turned them over to get a glimpse of their face. Another orc sprang out of nowhere and Fili was forced to defend himself. This time he used his hand; grabbing the orc by the neck and strangling him till his has breath. A fierce look in his eyes as he watched death claim its victim.

Fili stood, weakened and tired from the fighting and panicking because he couldn't find his brother. Dread corrupted him. His short breaths caused mists of frost to form in front of him. It was getting colder and night was falling.

"Kili!"

"Kili!" he shouted; his voice hoarse but to no avail. The screams of the dying, the grunts and yells of the warriors still fighting and the cries for mothers rang throughout the battlefield. Fili walked further; taking each step carefully in case he came across his brother. Over a small hill he climbed and a hopeless dread drenched him when the reality of what was happening ached his heart.

And there he was. Fili's skilled sight locked on his fallen brother.

"Kili!"

* * *

><p>"Kili?" Thunder roared throughout the mountain as Fili poked his head into his younger brothers chamber. He heard a small muffled cry and he smirked softly as he entered further in.<p>

"Kili what are you doing under the bed?"

Fili knelt down and peered under to see a small figure curled up in a ball at the far end. Little doe like eyes filled with tears peered up from small arms.

"I- I don't like thunder."

Another roar of rage boomed and echoed throughout the mountain causing Kili to hide his face in his arms again. Fili smiled and reached his hand to his brother.

"It's okay Kili, I'm here now."

* * *

><p>"Kili! Kili!" Running down the small hill as fast as he could Fili had found his brother. But his heart sank and it felt like the world around him was fading. Kili was on his back and not moving.<p>

"No! No, no, no, no!"

Fili fell on his knees beside Kili with his hands hovering over his wounded body as though if he were to touch him be would shatter. Fearing that though Fili smoothed Kili's hair from his face so gently an elf would have been surprised at the carefulness of such hands.

"Kili" Fili whispered; tears spilling from his eyes.

Kili's eyes fluttered open but just barely.

With a weakened voice, cracking with pain, Kili spoke with a small smile moving in his lips, "Fili."

"You're going to be okay, I'm here now" Fili tried to smile but he knew the pain and heartbreak in his eyes would speak louder than any word or gesture.

Fili stressed as he looked at the two arrows embedded in his brother's chest with blood streaming from the wounds and pressed hard on them to try and slow the blood flow. Kili jerked in pain, his eyes closing tight then opened them to looked at his brother.

"We made it Fili, we're home" he whispered quietly. Too quietly.

"And- and we're going to explore every nook and cranny when you get better" Fili said as he lifted Kili so that he was resting comfortably in his arms, "Remember? It was your idea."

Kili swallowed and closed his eyes, "Wishful thinking" he laughed but as he did blood choked him and poured from his mouth and ran down his neck. Fili sobbed into the dark wavy hair.

"You know, death is going to be a lot better with you here holding me."

"Don't say that Kili" Fili sobbed again, harder this time. He grabbed onto Kili's hand and held on as though his own life depended on it.

They lay there, still and quiet, just holding each other creating a moment of peace in this madness. In this massacre.

"I'm feeling heavy."

Fili stiffened at those words. He scrunched his face as if trying to push those words away. He buried his face in his brother neck. No words came to him, there was nothing he could do or say to change what was happening.

"Help will come. Just hold on a little longer Kili. Remember the eagles? We thought we would die but they came, help came when we thought all was lost" Fili said desperately as he lifted his head to look around for help, as though it was coming just over that little hill.

"Not this time Fili."

Kili's head lowered a little. Fili shifted so that he could see his face. He was white, his lips were going blue. Tears fell more quickly from Fili's eyes as the pain ripped through his heart.

Kili looked at him, "You'll be okay, you'll be-"

"Not without you!" Fili cried and sobbed, "We have never parted."

Night had fallen and the battlefield became quiet.

All was quiet.

"I'm going Fili, I can feel it."

Panic rose through Fili like wildfire, "No, no please, please don't leave me Kili! Remember your promise? Remember?"

Tears ran down Kili's cheeks leaving his deep brown eyes just like the life within him was leaving.

His hand then fell to the rocks, his chest lay still and his eyes became glassy and there he took his last breath as his last tear fell.

Fili stared at him in shock daring not to believe he was dead. His own breathing became sharper and it felt like daggers were stabbing his chest constantly.

"Kili! Kili! Wake up! Please wake up! Kili!" he pleaded but nothing he could do or say would help. With one deep breath Fili wailed in agony and buried his face in his brothers chest.

His little brother was gone.


	2. An Uncles Madness

**An Uncles Madness**

"Fili!"

"Kili!"

Thorin Oakenshield ploughed through the devastation searching for his young nephews. His breathing was heavy, he was sweating and bloodied and the panic he felt within seemed to weigh him down with each step he took.

They were lost and it was all his fault.

"Thorin! Thorin! We have won the war! We have won!" cried a bloodied Bofur as he jumped over bodies and debris trying to get to his King. However Thorin was not so jovial. He grabbed the front of Bofur's garments in desperation.

"Have you seen Fili and Kili? Where are they?!"

Seeing the anxiety Thorin's eyes and hearing the wavering in his voice Bofur's happiness deflated in an instant and guilt grew in his heart when he realised himself he had not noticed the young princes were missing. Dread filled him.

"I- I haven't" he admitted.

Frustrated, Thorin pushed him away and commanded in his deep foreboding voice, "Search for them! Everyone search for Fili and Kili!"

Bofur ran and joined the others that were with him; Dori and Ori and began making their way through the remnants of war.

Thorin picked up bodies with one hand; his panic aiding his strength and looked at the faces.

_They can't be dead, they can't be._

Thinking such things made tears fill Thorin's eyes and quickly he wiped them on his sleeve. He couldn't be weak now, not now. He had to be strong for his nephews, wherever they were.

"Fili!"

"Kili!"

The more Thorin shouted their names, the more his voice broke in agony. The silence was unbearable. They didn't call back, they didn't shout for u_ncle_ and this was ripping Thorin's insides to shreds and suddenly Thorin found himself cursing his quest.

"Kili!"

"Fili!"

He shouted louder and his throat was raw. He scrambled over mangled carts, looked under every dead horse that came in his path; nothing, not one yell for help from his nephews came his way. Turning over the bodies of elves and men for any sight of Fili or Kili lasted hours. The whole battlefield waslike a maze and as each moment ticked by Thorin's strength was failing him for he had been wounded also. He kept his mind off his blood that was dripping on the already blood soaked graveyard.

Night had fallen and it was cold. _They will be freezing. I need to find them. I need to protect them._

Thoughts flooded his mind of what he needed to do. He had failed them as a guardian, as an uncle and as a parent. His fists curled in rage at himself for leaving them behind in Lake Town when Kili was injured. He cursed at himself for being too hard on Fili and he cursed at himself for thinking of the gold instead of his own family.

_Where are they?_ _I need to find them!_

He stopped abruptly and stared helplessly around for them. In the distance he could see the small dots of fires lit up in Dale. Shadows began to creep along the dead creating an eerie scene topped with low mist that stretch along the battlefield to the ruined city and his eyes scanned the whole area thinking that Fili and Kili could be anywhere. He could hear the others calling their names. He could hear distant groans of pain and low cries before death. He knew this world, he was used to it but his nephews were not. This was their first battle and he needed to get to them; to protect them and hold them and tell them they were safe.

At this he turned from the direction of Dale and stepped forward with all the will power and strength he could muster.

_If they are dead I will not be able to live with myself. If they are dead I will surely die of heartbreak._

He spotted a little hill a few feet away and decided to search there.

"Fili!"

"Kili!"

No sound that he wanted to hear made its way back to Thorin.

"Fili!"

"Kili!"

Each shout become more desperate and hoarse than before till finally Thorin dropped to his knees completely swarmed with grief, fear and guilt. He whispered their names to himself over and over.

_Please, please be alive._

Suddenly Thorin heard something. He slowly lifted his head and listened.

"Thorin" came a deep familiar voice.

"Shh!" Thorin cut across immediately and stood up very slowly.

Dwalin had emerged from the wreckage covered in blood about to tell Thorin of his failed search in finding the lads, that he was going to search in Dale. But Dwalin listened. The silence was deadly but Thorin could hear something in the distance just beyond the small hill. So he walked further, Dwalin in toe and both climbed to look over.

Thorin's heart skipped with relief and dread at the same time. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry; to jump with joy or fall with despair.

"Fili" he whispered.

"Fili! Fili!" he then shouted and his booming voice echoed in the night and made his way hurriedly down the small hill.

An exhausted Fili lifted his head from his brother's chest and looked to see his uncle running towards him. He cried harder and tried to stand but his legs wouldn't permit him to do such a thing. All he could do was reach his hand out to Thorin.

"No, no" Thorin breathed as he saw Kili lying there motionless. Pain erupted from his chest and the tears he wiped away earlier fell freely down his face as he fell to his knees and grabbed Fili and Kili in his arms. He held them both as though they were young children. Fili cried as hard as any cry Thorin had ever heard from him and Kili; his little Kili was silent.

Both circumstances etched a pain and an agony so deep within him he knew he would never be able to fully recover from what was happening; what had happened. He would never forgive himself. But he had to be strong, he had to be strong for Fili.

He kissed Kili's cold forehead and then kissed Fili's and buried his face in his matted blonde hair. He closed his eyes and let the pain take him. One nephew was dead and the other in falling despair. He held tighter to them both; never wanting to let them go again.

He forced the pain in his throat down with a hard swallow and whispered to Fili.

"I'm here now lad, I'm here."


End file.
